1. A disease, a disorder, or an ailment.
2. An unwholesome condition: the malady of discontent.
Explanation of "bad bad badbadddabda"
So that last entry was a bit blunt, wasn't it? It's true. I'm am incredibly fucked up right now. Not illegal narcotics-wise. Just in general.
I left work early last night. And I drove around for an hour listening to Jewel. I stopped in the middle of a mostly deserted road... got out... turned my music up... and sat on the hood and stared at the stars for the rest of the song. "Hands", I think. I really wasn't paying attention.
Then I drove home... and sat in my driveway for two hours to be sure mom wouldn't bitch at me for being home early. I wrote seven pages of bullshit in my "paper journal". La de da. One of my neighbors came home around 2:30. Then I just know he came out and sat on his back porch... watching me. Whatever.
I'm low. I don't want to go to St. Louis. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to listen to loud, happy music and grin my arse off. I don't want to go to Six Flags and a baseball game and swim in the hotel pool and shop for little trinkets around the city.
Please don't make me.
Please don't worry about me. Please don't care. Please don't shed a tear or sigh in frustration. It's not worth the effort... really... it isn't.
I'm not putting forth any effort... Why should you?