1. A disease, a disorder, or an ailment.
2. An unwholesome condition: the malady of discontent.
On the carpet. Crushed. With tears.
I woke up this morning... crying. And, no, this doesn't happen very often. I don't know why tears had formed in my eyes. I don't remember having any particular dream or nightmare to make such happen. I just... woke up crying.
Kelly wasn't in bed with me. Some times she gets up to go sleep in the living because it's cooler than our room. But to go to sleep next to someone... and wake up and find they are not there... it gives you a jolt! "Where is she? Why didn't she wake me? Am I alone?" And then the connection is made and I know she hasn't left. She just didn't want to disturb me.
I walked into the living room to say good morning... And my roses... were all over the floor, crushed and dismantled. You see. I collect dried roses.... from different special occasions. But when I moved... I only took four with me. One from Jason, one from Julie, one from Mom, and one from Nana's grave. I told Mom to throw the rest away for me. I couldn't do it myself. These four. They were all arranged in this nice manner in a pretty little vase with some dried baby's breath. But... on the carpet. Crushed. Oh, I cried.... by myself... in our room... on the bed... alone. She wouldn't understand.
These fucking cats. Remember? I live with EIGHT of them... only one is technically mine. And they did it some time last night.
Beth (roommate) cleaned it up for me. She put some of the petals back in the vase. Very nice of her. All those cats ARE her's and all.
Kelly went to Barlett to see her grandmother. I paged Julie to see if she was still at school. She came over and gave me a hug... and we just talked. She was all shaky. Because we saw each other again... finally, I guess. We talked. We laughed. We spoke of significant others and families and jobs and responsibilities. And another hug. And she left. We're doing dinner together on the 28th. It'll be a year that we've known each other. It's gonna be one awkward damn dinner gaging it on how today went. I kissed her on the cheek before she got into her car. She said, "Don't do that..."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because... Just because."
Grrr... "I kiss Amy on the cheek. And Laura. And my MOTHER! What's so wrong?"
"It's just... different. And don't ever compare me to your mother."
Eh. She had a point there... Two points, actually.
I need another cigarette. Excuse me for a bit.