1. A disease, a disorder, or an ailment.
2. An unwholesome condition: the malady of discontent.
It's creeping in...
This whole "act strong" phase is quickly evaporating... leaving and never to return.
I was kicked off my load team last night. The load manager, Theressa, made me feel so small... like it was 100% my fault that the plane went out late last night. Do I give a shit that she was written up for it? No. Of course not. I hated that bitch from the beginning. But whatever... it's hard to explain... and I don't feel like making the effort. I'm more upset about losing those weekly hours than being reprimanded.
Did I teel you about the massive panic attack I had Monday night? Well.... anyway... big time. Lasted over thirty minutes. And the point that I've had three attacks in the past two weeks.... yeah. Guess I need to take my meds.
Things aren't bad right now. Just... in my head. Depression is creeping in. Money issues. This horrid apartment. No friends. Kelly's moodswings. Listening to REM's "Everybody Hurts" is surely not helping the situation. I need this to go away. I have so many things to do this month! Move. Birthdays. Car stuff. Bills. Then the trip to New Orleans. I can't be down and out. Shit... It's irresponsible to be out of it!