1. A disease, a disorder, or an ailment.
2. An unwholesome condition: the malady of discontent.
FUUUUUCKKKK!!!!
I told a friend of mine I wouldn't get on the Net and write about this today... But whatever. I've never been good at following simple rules.
Like... Dont lie.
I guess... no, I'm pretty sure... that's what got me in this mess. I lie to kelly. Things just got worse from there. And now it's over. For good. That confidence in our relationship that I mentioned two entries ago? Yeah. Foolin' myself, wasn't I? She couldn't take it. I couldn't take it. Maybe she was just looking for an excuse to cut ties with me since she's gotten on her feet in DC. Or maybe the lie really was it. It just pissed her off and she said fuck it.
She said feelings can change. Yeah. They can. But so quickly? And in such a harsh manner? It hurts. I can handle it. Really... I've been preparing myself for weeks by moving things around the apartment and taking her love notes down off the bulliten board. But I woke up this morning.... And I felt so alone. I miss her lying next to me. Holding me. Telling me I'm "so cute". I cried because I guess it finally hit me. She's gonna come get her stuff at the end of May. She's not moving back in. I'll find somebody else and she'll find somebody else and in the future.... we may have to hang out with each other's hypothetical significant others. Oh my god... I need to quit thinking about this. I can't think of her... kissing... someone else. I don't want to. Arg.
oh my god... i just read cassie's diary... kelly met someone. i'm shaking... i'm so upset and so angry and so hurt right now.
i have to get offline or i'll just keep getting worse.