1. A disease, a disorder, or an ailment.
2. An unwholesome condition: the malady of discontent.
Fuck buddies?
Talking to her... seriously... about just being fuck buddies.
Ha.
What the hell was I thinking?
Could I handle it? Could she? Is this some way I'm trying to get her back? Trying to change her? Trying to make her see she's really still completely and totally in love with me, and it's just the pressure from her parents that broke us up? Or... is she? Or are they? Pressuring her anymore... that is.
Was it really only about sex? The whole thing? Was it? The months... the time... the emotion... the tears... the presents... the kisses... the conversations... the hugs... the engagement... the ring... the hope... the dreams... the FantasyLand... Was it all just geared around having sex? Making love? Fucking, even?
I refuse to believe that. Why? Because I cried after I came last night. With her. Yet by myself. She knew I cried. I just couldn't handle the emotion. How the hell could I handle actual... sex? I couldn't. Too much crap. Too many memories. Too many "I'm sorry"'s.
I miss her. She misses me. But we can't be together. She's not willing to deal with the bullshit. She not willing to work... to make it work. At least she's honest with me about that... I guess. I don't know...